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Held Back Comics

The Gritty Hateful Reality of Always Losing at Life

“Die Hard Abridged” Held Back Comic

Posted on February 15, 2015 by Mooselicker

145 - Die Hard Abridged

And this is how it all ended.

“Fitness Guide” Held Back Comic

Posted on February 14, 2015 by Mooselicker

150 - Fitness Guide

Since it’s Valentine’s Day I wanted to remind you all how nobody will ever love you unless you are fit. Hopefully this guide is some help.

“Father’s Day” Held Back Comic

Posted on February 13, 2015 by Mooselicker

72 - Father's Day

I know it’s not Father’s Day, but it’s always important to pay respect to yours. How will you honor your father today? I will honor mine by sending him a sweet message on Myspace.

“Windowless Van” Held Back Comic

Posted on February 12, 2015 by Mooselicker

149 - Windowless Van

If Pedophile Paul actually followed the real Held Back chronicles he would know Megan’s mom is named Valerie, not Martha. She changed it to avoid the Vietnam Draft.

“Your Future” Held Back Comic

Posted on February 11, 2015 by Mooselicker

148 - Your Future

Kirby immediately went home and died of autoerotic asphyxiation. He died with a lot more dignity than his father ever will.

“Sign From God” Held Back Comic

Posted on February 10, 2015 by Mooselicker

147 - Sign From God

I know what you’re thinking – why does God’s pee have so many angles? I’m not sure.

“Kickstarter” Held Back Comic

Posted on February 9, 2015 by Mooselicker

146 - Kickstarter

Faculty Member Harden wasn’t voted blackest and most sarcastic for nothing.

“Falling” Held Back Comic

Posted on February 8, 2015 by Mooselicker

144 - Falling

If you’re wondering what the fight was over, Principal Paxton said “Whoever smelt it dealt it” and Brian said “Whoever denied it supplied it.”

“Otis Redding” Held Back Comic

Posted on February 7, 2015 by Mooselicker

143 - Otis Redding

Ruining Otis Redding’s song is far from the worst thing anyone has ever done to an innocent black man. Just sayin’.

“Stairs” Held Back Comic

Posted on February 6, 2015 by Mooselicker

142 - Stairs

Look on the bright side Megan, I’m sure Doctor Blackmon golfs with an abortionist.

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Characters

  • Alfa (2)
  • Baby Apollo (5)
  • Barry Whiten (29)
  • Brian Easton (10)
  • Clyde the Hobo (7)
  • Cornwallis (14)
  • Doctor Blackmon (7)
  • Emily (9)
  • Faculty Member Harden (9)
  • Faculty Member Harris (4)
  • Faculty Member Reid (5)
  • Giant Santa (8)
  • God (4)
  • Kirby (54)
  • Lindsey the Lesbian (2)
  • Luxy Dinosaur (2)
  • Mama Paxton (3)
  • Martha Whiten (1)
  • Megan Whiten (35)
  • Miscellaneous (3)
  • Mr. Jewell (3)
  • Mr. President (2)
  • Officer Benign (6)
  • Pedophile Paul (5)
  • Principal Paxton (59)
  • Rhonda (14)
  • The Hughes Twins (3)
  • The Liberals (7)
  • Tomas (13)
  • Valerie Whiten (20)
  • Wally (14)

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