Poop makes everything funnier; especially baptisms.
Swinging never goes well. It ruins marriages and spawns serial killers. Yep, it’s fun.
It’s like Goldilocks and the Three Bears only more hurtful than getting mauled to death by a bear.
The best thing about going to a wedding with a dead girl is there’s no chance she’ll catch the bouquet. Women go crazy when they catch that piece of shit.
The first time I had my Scoliosis checked I was wearing a Godzilla shirt. The last time I had it checked was also the first time. What makes a gym teacher qualified to judge my future back problems?
Hand-AIDS is the second worst kind of AIDS. The worst is foot-AIDS. How can you find a cure with foot-AIDS when you are unable to walk in a charity event?
Life is tough for the Whitens. They only have one couch and their TV isn’t even flat.
The Shining is probably my favorite movie I have never watched all the way through in one sitting. You, on the other hand, are my least favorite person I cannot possibly sit through an entire conversation with.
Finally, Megan’s break from slutting around and studying again has had a positive effect on her life. Too bad she still has chlamydia.
When I grow up, I want enough money to pay the bills.